for these past few months, there has been a total change that happened in my life. It was crazy, it was new, and it was maddening indeed. I have been experiencing "can't-get-you-off-my-mind" phrases,"this-is-it"notions, and "what-could-this-text-message-mean?" questions. Really now, ask my bestfriend, she knows everything. There has been a change in me since I met that person, whom I knew once, but confirmed to be not. I mean, I was becoming moody. In a minute, I was happy, in another minute, a painter would find it hard to finish a portrait of me. All the while, I thought my world is going to revolve around this childhood feeling. There was nothing in my mind which weighs more than the thought of him. It was confusing, and ridiculous. I would stack my head with a pile of pillows and shout to the top of my lungs, so that no one would be alarmed, so that no one would ask me what the problem is, so that I would'nt have to tell the whole story, because it wasn't so me if I would do that, plus I hate discussing things like that especially with my parents or relatives. I mean, my tongue would also twirl in weird directions, my mouth would outrun my thoughts, and then I end up blabbing, and I hate advices, I hate recieving mushy advices, but deep down I know I was needing to recieve some. Anyway, it was hard, especially now that I was in a late age experiencing this "lovebug". I even experienced losing my scholarship in school just because on of my subject grade did not make it to the standards. One point was all I need, and I spent that one point on this dorky, pooky, mushy, dispecable "feeling"!. See how stupid I got? It was also one point in my life that i looked at the world differently, I mean, I could not see any people but I was looking for his shadows, anywhere I go, i always have that hope in me to sort of "accidentally, coincidentally" meet him, and imagine that the world would slow down before us. What more could a drama movie ask of me? Very well. it was like that. I could not anymore enjoy myself in strolling around the malls or anywhere with my relatives, my friends, and my family. I would enjoy myself and at the same time despair myself on looking forward to see his guitar-carrying facade. how great of me.
Yesterday, I had the chance of meeting and strolling with my high school girl friends, and I realized that I can manage to set aside the thinking, and just enjoy myself out. I mean, I saw how my friends were happy with what they have as of now, they were happy by just being with their friends, they were always wearing with them their smiles, and with their jolly beings enjoying our time of bond to the fullest were sooo infectious, that I was relieved, for I realized that I can manage to get him off my mind, and that I have managed to realize that I don't need any of his shadows just to enjoy myself whenever I go out. I realized that I needed real people, not shadows, real friends, tangible, reachable, and huggable to laugh out everything I feel inside. I realized that text messages could equal a thousand meanings, but they couldn't equal a thousand feelings.
So, it's gonna be a new year in a matter of days. but I wanna thank him though, he was the SOURCE of all these felt emotions, and new experiences. I just have this new year's resolution of mine, which I hope would be very effective as I live my life throughout 2009, up to the day I would be catching my last breath. Relish every experience and new feelings I will encounter. Don't fall for text messages, don't despair myself, find time to hang out with friends, and spend my one point wisely. =)
